The Battle Between Good and Evil

The Spare to the Throne got his braces yesterday. None too thrilled about it beforehand, he seems to be holding up better than his father did, if you remember the whole turkey sandwich smoothie debacle. Of course, it's early in the game, but the poor child has been warned so much by the entire family that he may just sail through this thing unscathed. All the kid has heard now for over a week has been "your teeth are gonna HURT." We'll see what the day brings, I suppose, but this kid has, shall we say, no desire to feel pain anytime in this lifetime. Ever.

The Bratty Girl has already been leading him down the path of unrighteousness. The orthodontist gives tickets out for good dental hygeine, meaning good brushing, of course. Jill tells this boy, "oh, don't worry about it, just brush your teeth three times in a row before your appointment. They'll never know the difference. That's what I did." And this brat always got the excellent brushing tickets. ::sigh:: She's a scammer, that one.

Then I caught all three of them, The Heir, The Spare, and The Brat, having a powwow in his room a couple of days ago. Deep in conversation, and without anyone screaming, mind you. This of course makes the mother worry, so I wandered in to see what was going on. The Brat had, after all, just told me the night before that we needed to have "The Talk" with her younger brother because, as she said, "he has gotten all of his information from Chris, so you just know it's gotta be messed up." Chris, incidentally, is his BFF, who does indeed, have his moments of early teenaged goofiness, so she might just be right. Oye and vay.

So the three of them are all in there, discussing what you are told what not to eat with braces, and what you really can eat with braces. "I had candy all the time," says the big brother. "You can't have gum, though, right," replies the youngest. "I did," said the beastie girl, who is, after all, determined to ruin her brother's teeth, or at least his relationship with his dental caregivers. Sweet after sweet they listed, and each one they declared perfectly acceptable, "no matter what they tell you." They, of course, not only meant the orthodontist and his staff, but also the parents, who coughed up the cash for this little endeavor.

"You'll get yelled at when you go for your appointment," I threatened, in the hopes of salvaging something here. Jill declared "I never got yelled at once, and remember all those tickets I got?" Seth tilted his head and gave her a look of deep thought, then nodded his head. This kid, who is the one who likes to follow the rules and keep the peace, has just been taken down by none other than his sister, a Sagittarian who, like her papa before her, likes to have one toe over the line and his older brother, who stood there silently, nodding agreement with a look of "listen to her dude, she knows of what she speaks" on his face. I stood there in his bedroom, complete with clean clothes on the dusty TV, dirty socks scattered on the floor, dog sleeping on the bed that has, incidentally, no sheet on the mattress, because the clean sheet balled up at the foot of the bed, since he has decided to sleep sans sheets......well, I digress, but you get the picture.

I stood there and watched the ruination of a young man in one fell swoop, and has his siblings to blame. Heck, he probably got a cavity just listening to this whole travesty of dental hygiene. Time will tell. And just to show off the inner turmoil going on when he REALLY wants a Snickers bar, but the angel on his shoulder says "don't do it, boy, don't do it," is this cool vintage halter dress, from Designer Exposure. Kinda pricey, but cheaper than braces, and information shared between a boy and his siblings? Priceless.

Turkey and mayo on the rocks

My friend Jen, of
momspatterns.com has finally given up the ghost and decided to part with her to die for Givenchy Audrey Hepburn dress pattern. I just love this pattern, but understand her sadness, because I have a few in my store that I'm pretty attached to, but Audrey? I'd be buried with that one, personally.

I just love Audrey Hepburn. She was gorgeous, refined, and heck, she was Dutch. Dutch people have cool accents, and Audrey had a wonderful lilt that was just her. And besides her sad war-torn life, and her beautiful heart, she was just so graceful and unique. Yeah, I love her.

I read her bio a few years ago, and was mystified at the humility with which she looked upon herself. She thought she was too skinny, and she hated her teeth, so many of her photos show her with her lips closed. Teeth or not, I could look at photos of her all day.

So when I got thinking about people with teeth fixations, it reminded me of when we got our braces. We, meaning the hubby and me, because we got them, sitting in side by side dental chairs, when we'd been married for six months. I hadn't particularly planned on it at the time, but when I saw the oral surgeon about my impacted wisdom teeth, he mentioned that if I had ever thought of braces, now was the time, because I'd have to have a couple of other teeth pulled too, in order to make room.

Yes, folks, my mouth was too small. I have dcumentation of it, too.

And so it was that we got our braces as newlyweds, and I got them off four years later, as a mother of two. The same orthodontist did braces on those two babies, years later, and when they were explaining the cash discount, the sibling discounts, etc. I, of course, inquired as to the gestational discount, since the guy had mentioned that although he'd taken care of lots of parents and children, he'd never taken care of a pregnant woman, and then later, the bun who was once in the oven. I figured that'd be worth something, but no go. ::sigh::

Hubby, on the other hand, only had his braces for about a year, but it was a LONG year, folks. Heck, the day we had the braces put on, we went home and had pizza. They told us that our teeth would be sore the next day, but I had no idea what was up -- especially in this time before over the counter ibuprofen. Yes, folks, it hurt, but I figured it was pain that was for a reason, and just sucked it up and took my Tylenol.

Hubby, on the other had, had a different sucking up in mind, because he could not bear the idea of "soft foods." The man has a food fixation, remember? He goes into a bit of a minor tailspin at the idea of not eating, or eating inflicting pain upon him, so he concocted his own menu to get him over the rough spots. And so it was that the day after our braces were applied, that I came home to him putting his turkey sandwich into the blender.

Turkey, bread, lettuce, tomato, mayo -- mixed with some milk and ice -- put on purree, then dumped into a glass. That had to be one of the more disgusting things I ever saw, but he slugged a few gulps of it down and pronounced it delicious. Took another couple of slugs, and the pace slowed, then stopped, when he turned a little pale and said "this is really gross" and tossed the remainder down the sink.

Hunger breeds desperation, but if the man is this bad with just some sore teeth, I'd sure hate to see him in a refugee camp.

I didn't buy a blender for years after that, and Dan still doesn't use it, thank God. Come to think of it, maybe this explains his penchant for taking ham and cheese sandwiches for lunch now. At least he's never drunk one.