Are You Sure? Well..............

We went shopping at the commisary yesterday.  Jim loves to browse, so this takes some time. Add to this the fact that he's cutting down on salt, and it definitely put him off his normal game.  So there we were, in the dairy aisle, with him looking muddled.  I asked what he was doing, and he said he felt like he was forgetting something.  Got to the checkout line, and he still felt it, but couldn't remember what it was he was supposed to be getting.  So here's how the conversation went this afternoon, after a conversation on how to cook our standing rib roast for Easter dinner.

Jim:  "Oh THAT'S what I forgot yesterday!  Remember, I said I forgot something!  That's what I forgot?"
Me: "What?"
Jim: "Butter!  Remember, I said I forgot something when we were in the dairy aisle?  I forgot butter.  We got margarine, but we're out of butter."
Me:  "Are you sure?"
Jim: "Yes, I'm sure.  And I forgot to get it. I knew I was forgetting something.  It was butter."
Me: "Are you sure?  Because I didn't think we were out."
Jim: "Yes, I'm sure.  We're out."
Me: "Are you sure?"
Jim:  "YES.  I am SURE. Quit asking if I'm sure, because I'm sure. We are out of butter.  I don't know why you keep asking me that, when you knew that I forgot something while we were there.  It was butter.  Yes, I'm SURE we are out."

::long pause::

Jim: "Well, dammit, you'd better go see, because now I'm not sure."

By now, I couldn't stop laughing, because the whole thing was so funny, so I opened the fridge, but couldn't answer him, because I was laughing so hard.  For the record, I was equally sure that we had some butter, but me not being the cook around here, I don't know what we have and what we don't most days, because he's the master chef.  But I also stand corrected, because I found that we were, indeed, out of butter.

Jim: " See, this is what drives me crazy about you.  You ask me five times if I'm sure, when I'm already sure, and then I'm not sure because you keep asking if I'm sure.  It drives me crazy."  ::long pause:  ::laughs::  "I just love you."

The Five Things

My computer nerd co-worker told me that his father told him at their wedding reception that there are five things you need to do in order to keep your marriage intact in times of, shall we say, discourse? I think that he is pretty spot on with his suggestions.

Here they go. In case of a disagreement, the man of the house is to immediately say these five things, preferably in order:

1. Please forgive me.
2. You were right, I was wrong.
3. It will never happen again.
4. I don't know what came over me.
5. I love you very much.

I have, of course, made my co-worker repeat all of these things to me any time that he disagrees with me which, of course is often, given his viewpoint of functionality vs pretty with our software, and my completely opposite view -- it's not gonna function well, unless things are cleaned up and pretty. I do, however, modify the last one a bit, since him telling me he loves me is just plain wrong, since he is very happily married. Instead, we have substituted it with "I have a deep and abiding respect for you and your position."

Repeat as necessary. And please note, there is no version for the female to use. As we know the man is always wrong. Right?