Weekender

My sweet hubby and I went away for the weekend last weekend.  It was just a nice overnighter, but it's nice to get away once in a while.  Plus, when you do an overnighter, the prep is pretty simple.  It's the emotional prep that's hard.

Jim was pretty darned sure that the dog was either going to a) starve to death or b) be mauled by Thomas' dog.  See, Penny (Thomas' dog) has this in-your-face-play-with-me personality which knows no personal space, and Mickey, our little prince, just ain't havin it.  Mickey loves his humans and no one shall put them asunder.  He sees Penny as a threat to his firm entrenchment as Dog of the House.  Penny doesn't care.  She just blunders through life with no regard to anyone.  This does not always work out well, as Mickey doesn't want her near his humans, and although he's a third of her size, he will have his say withi Penny.  Penny, on the other hand, has been known to pin Mickey to the ground, teeth bared, should he make her mad.

So the conversations went like this:
Jim: "Who's watching the prince while we're gone?"
Me: "The boys."
Jim: "No way.  They will kill my dog.  They'll forget to feed him.  Those boys can't even remember to feed themselves. How will they remember to feed the dog?"
Me:  "Penny is five.  She has lived with Thomas her whole life.  She hasn't died yet.  They'll be fine."
Jim:  "I'm telling you, he's gonna starve to death.  Maybe I'll have David (his son) watch him"

::pause while he checks with David, who had plans and wasn't available::

Jim: " They're gonna kill each other.  I don't want that dog killing my fuzzy dog."
Me:  "They'll be fine."
Jim:  "We're gonna come home to a dead dog.  You just watch."

So the week went by, and Friday night arrived.  He suddenly changed focus.

Jim:  "So, those boys are going to starve while we're gone.  You know that, right?"
Me: "Why in the world would you say that?  They'll be fine."
Jim:  "Because there's no one here to cook for them, and they don't know how to cook."
Me:  "They are fine.  They are both really good cooks."
Jim: "I don't think so.  They're probably gonna starve."

The man has to have something to fret about -- and it's usually food related.  Let's just say, there is ZERO chance of anyone starving to death around here, because we usually have enough food to feed an army.   And so it was that we pulled out of the drveway and drove off for our little getaway, with Jim fretting that the boys would destroy the house in some way, shape or form.  Can you tell that he raised three sons, three years apart?  And yes, he did come home early from a weekend away to find a full blown party in the house, complete with teenagers passed out in his bedroom.  So yeah, I get his point, but these are the Nerd Boys you're talking about.  Geez.

So we got to the hotel, and Jim told me to call and see if they had fed the dog, and ask what time Seth's girlfrend had gotten there.  Here's the texting.

Me: "Ask the clowns if they fed my dog and ask what time Elaine got there."  LOL
Thomas: Elaine got here around 3.  Dogs starved to death, I'm wont to report.

Cracked me up.  The boys understand my dear husband so well.  He laughed when he heard Thomas' response.  On Sunday, here's the communicaton:

Thomas:  What time are you guys heading back?
Me: We should be home around nine or so.
Thomas:  OK.  The liquor bottles and dead hookers should be cleaned up by then.
Me:  Did you bury the dogs?
Thomas: Buried Penny.  Had to eat Mickey.
Me:  How'd you cook him?
Thomas:  Fava beans and a nice chianti.

It's almost worth going away, just to see what they come up with next.

Things you need to know as a result of Our Vacation

1. We have discovered that Thomas is the Fish God. Every time he gets into the water, schools of fishes swarm around him, and follow him wherever he goes. Every time. It's crazy.
2. Something about The King of all Chickens in a game of pseudo-pictionary is still cracking these kids up, two days later. I, however, slept thru it.
3. Raccoons climb palm trees. Who knew?
4. When Michael falls off a bed, he does NOT bounce.
5. Cell phones demagnetize hotel keys. This was a lesson not learned the first two or three times it happened.
6. Waffle House at 4:30am is a pretty funny place to be.
7. In Florida, liquor can't be sold in grocery stores. It can, however, be sold in a store with the same name as the grocery store, attached to the grocery store, but with a different entrance. And you thought Indiana had weird liquor laws.
9. . There is a store here called Condom Knowledge that I really wanted to investigate, but never did. ::sad face::
9. Avoid Nashville in rush hour at all costs. Seriously.
10. It is possible to have someone draw a huge penis in the sand -- along with HAHA -- on the beach front of a hotel balcony, and it will not be removed quickly. Note: this was NOT our artwork.
11. A dolphin sculpture created in the sand, with a huge wall around it, will be destroyed. The wall, however, will not. People are dumb.
12. No matter where you are in the water, the waves break about 15 feet away from where you are.
13. There must be, at all times, a man on the beach in a Speedo. And he is always too old and too heavy to even think of truly being able to carry it off.
14. You could be wakened in the morning and find that your hotel door is open. And people have been going to the elevator across from said door for over an hour. Probably all laughing at the people sleeping inside. Oh well, life is short.
15. Young children should be given bathroom rights first, lest they wake up the neighbors yelling "let me IN, I gotta POOP!" Repeatedly.
16. Give the parents the secret password to the alarm system before you leave, or the police WILL show up and try to arrest them. NOTE: this could make vacation infinitely more interesting, should you choose not to do it.
17. Colllege students WILL do homework on vacation. High school students will talk about it, then never do it.

I'm sure there are more, but I can't remember them at the moment, so perhaps I will add some later.