Nerd-speak

Back in the day, Jill used to complain when the boys in her homeschool co-op "spoke Nerd" during their lunch break.  Being the only girl there much of the time, it got rather tiresome for her.  After all, girlfriend was the only girl in the family, and essentially the only girl in the neighborhood.  She had more than her share of Nerd-speak at home.  She just wasn't having it at school.

I'm used to it and, after working as a nursery nurse for some years, I learned to tune stuff out a long time ago.  I listen to the boys in the car only to a point, but when it starts getting too thick, I tune it out and let them at it.  Jim cracks up at how they go at it, truthfully stating that the could go on for hours -- and they've done it many a time.

So here was yesterday's tete-a-tete on Facebook.

Thomas to Seth:  tell your father im here and tell him the lannisters aren't the only ones who pay their debts.  Tell me you didn't get hella chills from that.
My friend Sally:  What's a lannister?
Seth:  So gud.  Also got chills at "if you're looking for justic, you came to the wrong place." since I know what it's in ressponse to.  Also, EVERY SCENE WITH OBERYN especially the one where he's fighting mr big man.
Thomas: i'm unfathomable levels of excited for "if you die before you say her name, ser, I will hunt you through all seven hells."
Seth:  And also the opening bit with "some dead man." Also that bit with the dude  that killed Jeor, leaving the baby in the woods (sacrificing it to an Other) is pretty....interesting.
Jill:  Nerdz.
Jim:  WTH game or movie is this from?
Chris:  It was so GOOD.
Me: Game of Thrones is my guess.
Seth: This.
Chris:  Game of Awesome Thrones.
Me: I knew it.  Only Game of Thrones can bring out this level of nerd.

I have NO idea what any of this means.  I do know that Seth is practically giddy over the return of the show, and apparently Thomas and Chris are too, to the point that punctuation and spelling obviously become optional where Game of Thrones is involved.

You may now return to your regularly scheduled programming.

• • 
    

Is It Any Wonder I'm Confused?

The Heir to the Throne been home for three weeks now. It's interesting to watch the dynamic between Jim and Seth.  They can talk video games half the day, and Dr Who the other half.  But try to have a seemingly normal conversation, and that's where it gets tricky.  

 Jim likes video games. He assured me after his knee surgery that all he needed was a remote and his Xbox controller, and he'd be just fine.  He was right.  However, does not play Candy Crush, which is the game of the moment for people like me who don't play console games.  If you don't know what Candy Crush is, do not google it.  You won't be able to stop.  Jim doesn't play it, mainly because it doesn't involve knives, guns, flash bangs, or as a matter of fact, any type of weapon.  Marines do not play games that don't involve weapons.  Seth, however, does.  He's a recent recruit.  I'm on Level 300+ after a few months.  Seth is at least halfway there after a couple of weeks.  Good thing I'm not competitive.  Oh well.    So here is this morning's breakfast conversation.

Seth (walking into kitchen and sitting down):  "Hey Mom, send me a ticket."  (When you hit certain parts of the game, you have to get three tickets to advance, so Seth's MO is to randomly come up and ask me for a ticket.  It's like a little game between the two of us.)

Jim: "What do you need a ticket for?"

Seth: "I just do. Mom, send me a ticket."

Jim: "But what do you need it for?"

Seth: "I just NEED it.  Mom.  Ticket."

Jim: "But where the hell are you going?  You can't go anywhere.  You have to go back to school tomorrow.  You haven't even started your car for a week.  You don't even know if it WILL start.  You don't need a ticket."

Seth: "I need a ticket.  Mom.  Ticket."

Jim: "Where the hell are you going?"

Seth: "Paradise."

Jim: "What, are you Muslim now?"

Me: "He needs two tickets to Paradise."

Jim: "What. The. Hell."

Seth: "It's a song, Jim."

Jim: "What do I care about a song?  What do you need a ticket for?"

Seth:  "It's for a game."

Jim:  "Oh NO.  Is it for that Candy Crunch game?"

Seth: "Candy Crush, James.  Candy CRUSH."

Jim: "Whatever. What do you need a ticket for?"

All this, before 10am.  Is it any wonder I'm confused most of the time?

Hug Your Local Home Care Nurse

Here is how a home health nurse spends her day during a snowstorm of 12+ inches, a la Snowcopalyse.

I started my day yesterday by finding out that the boss had taken me up on my offer to be on call if the agency closed.  I found this out an hour and a half AFTER I started on call, because somehow they forgot to TELL me that they'd taken me up on it.  Oh well, that's fine.  They had other priorities, and no calls had come in.  No harm, no foul.  I did offer, after all.  The day wasn't too bad.  There were a few cranky people who didn't understand why we were closed, despite the governor's pleas for everyone to just stay home.  But that's ok too.  I'm used to cranky people -- I did phone triage for 15 years or so, after all.

So today, I got to start my day by doing labs on a patient at 6am.  Let's just use that time loosely, because although I was up at 5am, I didn't get out the door till 5:40 -- for a trip that, by Mapquest, should've taken 38 minutes.  It took an hour and 25 minutes. Once I got to her street, I realized that I couldn't see the house numbers.  NOTE:  please make sure for your own safety that your house number can clearly be seen from the street, both coming and going, in daylight AND at night.  It not only makes your nurse cranky if she can't find you, but it also is a safety issue if an ambulance or police can't figure out where you are.  I could not, for the life of me, find this lady's house.  I finally called and got the old "oh, we're the first house on the cul de sac.  There's a red truck in the driveway" routine.  Except not only could I not see a truck, I could see a cul de sac at all.  AT ALL.  Finally, the fourth or fifth time through this very small addition, she flashed her porch light at me.  AHA!  I could see her house, but still couldn't see the cul de sac, because snow had been plowed about four feet tall at least, and I didn't see an entry in the dark.  I finally found it -- a very narrow path -- and made it up to her house.  What a sweet lady she was.  I even got out of her driveway backing down that very narrow path with my 4 wheel drive.  My reverse skills have been keenly honed since my first year of home ownership, when I ran over two bikes and a boombox in the first summer.  It was a long, difficult driveway, with a big blind spot.  Today, I managed to get out of that tight spot with no problem, and headed to the next patient, who was supposedly ten minutes down the road.  More like twenty, really.

 I was concerned whether I could get down the patient's street, but he'd pleaded with the city and they had plowed.  Plowed, as in, plowed him in.  As in, the only way to get to his door was to plunge in feet first, where I promptly sunk almost up to the hip, whilst balancing my bag -- a sturdy duffle type gym bag.  I did have the good sense to leave my computer in the car -- a big no-no, but he's the only house on the street, and I didn't want to go plunging facefirst into the snow and lose the damn thing.

I knocked on his door, and it took several minutes for him to answer.  Mind you, it was a true -15 degrees outside, not including wind chill.  He finally came to the door, and asked me, very confused, why I was standing out in the cold instead of coming into the porch.  I just pointed at the bungee cord that was holding the door shut.  He laughed, let me in, the stopped and stared before he grabbed a broom and started sweeping me off.

Sweeping. Me. Off.

Not sweeping me off my feet, mind you.  Sweeping off my jeans -- yes, I wore jeans, because by golly, if I'm plunging out in that weather in the dark, and climbing through snowbanks, I'm wearing something sturdy and warm.  He finished sweeping, I did my thing, and I was out of his house in something like 16 minutes.  When I promptly plunged right back into the snowbank again to get back into my car.  At least this time I could climb into my own foot tracks.  I climbed into my car covered in snow up to my knees.

All this, before 8:30am.  By noon, I had climbed into another snowbank, after parking around the corner from the house, walking on an ice covered street to get where I needed to be, selected my spot, and plunged in -- this time with computer in hand.  So. Much. Fun.

That being sad, I do love winter.  LOVE it.  The added reward was how absolutely beautiful it is right now.  So beautiful that I came home and dug out the trash can from the snow, shovelled a path to the mailbox, and even partially cleaned off the other two cars in the driveway.  Of course, now my lungs are saying "oh no, you shouldn't have done that and I'll have a hit of the inhaler, please" but oh well.  It's all in a day's work for a homecare nurse.

Ho ho ho!

This is Thomas' first Christmas -- and Thanksgiving -- away from the family, whilst he lives as a mountain man, working retail.  The Saturday after Thanksgiving, I woke up to a Facebook message, rather frantically asking if I was available to talk.  Unfortunately, the messages had been late the night before, and I hadn't seen them.  It took me several hours to connect with him, when he said not to worry, he'd just had a really bad day, and he wanted to talk.

Turned out that among many other things, he'd gone to work on Black Friday, only to be told that he had to be Santa for three hours.  Thomas.  As Santa.  Remember, this kid is stoic beyond definition, quiet to the point of a monk, and oh yeah, he's not a KID person.  Gotta admit, I started laughing when he told me.  I wasn't alone, because when I told Seth and Jim, they both responded simultaneously "THOMAS?  As SANTA?"  Cracked me up.  I asked if he had kids sitting on his lap and he said no, that he mainly just walked around handing out candy and asking kids what they wanted for Christmas.

I seriously could not picture this.  I promptly asked for photographic proof, because yeah, I still wasn't quite believing it..  He said he didn't have any, but he would, because he was going to have to be Santa every Friday till Christmas.  So you guessed it, that picture is the Heir to the Throne, as the skinniest Santa on the planet!

This one says it all.  Seth and I have decided that he looks definitely Grinchy:

Merry Christmas, everyone!

My Girl

This girlie, born in the midst of an ice storm 23 years ago, has grown up to be a beautiful, brilliant and funny young lady.  Proof?

I rest my case.

Here We Go Again

The other day, I mentioned that Jim had taught Seth how to tie a tie.  The boy amazed me, really.  So today, I get a text from him.  The exchange went like this:

Seth:  Did I leave my decent pants somewhere in my room or something?  Also, are you supposed to wear the tie inside the collar flap or just around your neck?

First of all, this worries me.  What does the boy consider to be "decent pants?"  It kind of scares me to think what pants he might be wearing around Butler.  It would scare you too, if you saw just how dressed down this kid takes it at home.  The kid likes comfy clothes.  I take no responsibility, especially if he's walking around in sweats with a tie around his bare neck.

Me:  I will look for the pants.  Tie goes around the collar when it's folded down, not against your skin.

Maybe this doesn't make sense, but I hate long texts on my phone, and I thought that making it quick and dirty might get through to him.  Not so much.

Seth:  What do you mean by folded down?

This kind of reminds me of the "define what 'is' is" quote of days past.  Folded down. As in, not up.  Too bad that tie didn't come with a GPS installed in it.  I'm thinking the boy has no future in origami.

Me:  Pop the collar.  Put the tie on.  Fold down collar over the tie.

Breaking it down more.  Small words.  Short sentences.  I'm thinking we have got it now.......

Seth:  Oh.  Welp.  I thought Jim said it just goes around the neck...

He has no idea how he got this idea. He did, however, inject all the love in his heart into his response, which was given official approval of the US Marine Corps.

Me:  Look at a YouTube video.

At this point, I threw in the towel, and was pretty sure that he didn't quite understand what I was saying.  I also knew that he was likely getting ready for class, and was getting increasingly concerned at what he was gonna look like as he went out the door.

Seth:  I understand how to do it, I just thought he said elsewise.

So I guess the entire exchange may've been for nothing.  I'm still not quite sure.  I'm also not sure if he unerstands where the tie goes.  And notice, there was not one question about how to actually tie the tie.  It was only about the location of the tie, which would imply that perhaps Jim put the cart before the horse when he showed Seth how to tie the tie without making clear the placement of said tie before you start.

It's no wonder my brain feels broken some days.

The Monthly Hideout

I spent today hiding from the cleaning lady.  This is a monthly thing that I do, and it drives me kind of crazy.   Jim has had this cleaning lady coming by to do her thing every month or so for several years.  I told him that we really don't need her, but he said he wants to do it for me, so I don't have to worry about cleaning so much.  He even said he'd have her come very two weeks, but I said not way.  That's just too much hiding.

You see, the first I heard of the cleaning lady was when we were first dating.  He told me that Big Boobs was coming over the next day.  Whhhhhaaaaat?  Well, you know, he's a Marine, so you never know what's gonna fly outta his mouth.  He explained that the first time she had come over to clean, she got talking to his late wife.  One of the things that she saidin that first conversation was that she had had a breast augmentation done.  And then she lifted up her shirt and showed her.  As in, new client.  New cleaning lady.  New client now face to face with the girls.

WHOA.

This more than freaked me out, but it wasn't an issue because I wasn't usually here when she came.  I was living in town, I was working days.......no big deal.  Our paths never crossed.  Well, now I live here, and I work later in the day, so I'm here when she comes.  The first time she came after I moved in, Jim was still home recovering from his knee surgery.  I wasn't here, for some reason -- maybe a doctor's appointment or something, but he was alone with Boobs.  Thank God, she didn't show him her ta-tas, especially because it was the first time he'd actually met her, despite her tenure here.  He did say that she had talked his bloomin' head off.  As in, nonstop talking.  She was here talking for an hour before she started working, and then she forgot to do things like empty the trash in the bathrooms and vacuum some of the upstairs.

The next time she came, he suggested that I just flat out leave the house.  Now we were not only afraid of the boob show, but we weren't sure she'd get any work done.  Given the fact that I work from home, he wanted her long gone before I had to start work, so not giving her a chance to engage was the best way out.  I spent the afternoon hanging out with a friend. and came home to a nice clean house.  Jim reported, however, that Boo had gotten out of his cage sometime before she got here, so when she opened the garage door, he took a tour of the yard before she could coax him in.  Oh well, at least he didn't bite anyone.  He may or may not have seen her boobs.

Well, it's a pain in the patootey to hide every time she comes over, because she is always an hour or two late, so I don't know when the leave the house, nor when to come home.  Jim has somehow brainwashed her into thinking that I absolutely cannot be disturbed if I am in my office, so I usually just take the dogs and lock myself in there whilst she cleans.  I try to do it before she gets here, because if I don't, it's a nonstop barrage of meaningless chatter until I can get the door closed.  I literally hide in there organizing, surfing the web, playing Candy Crush, listing sewing patterns, doing actual work, or whatever else I can think of until she is long gone.  Heck, today I came home and she was still here.  She was upstairs, so I made a sandwich, grabbed a drink, and went into my office.  Never saw her at all, but she chattered away until the door closed.  No word from Bandit if he got an eyeful, but I will say that he refused to come upstairs while she was there, ran upstairs and then refused to go downstairs till she was gone.  It all seems rather suspect to me.  That poor cat.