Going to Hell in a blister pack

One of the hospitals we answer for at work is Methodist Hospital, in Indianapolis. The Methodists believe in freedom of expression, so we can talk pretty freely to our callers. The Catholic hospital I used to work for, on the other hand, probably had me right on the top of the "needs a rosary said for them" list.

I probably have at least a dozen nuns praying for me nonstop, even now -- seven years after I left there.

The Catholics believe that birth control is a sin. They don't use it (::wink wink::). We weren't allowed to discuss birth control with our callers, EVER. I think sometimes that they got Protestant callers to call in as mystery shoppers, just to make me sweat. I toed that line so close that my boss would come out of her office, shaking her head saying, "you sure do dance all around it, but you never QUITE break the rules, do you?" I just grinned.

Never really envisioned myself dancing around a pack of birth control pills, but whatever rocks your world. I never got written up.

It was so crazy there that that same Irish Catholic boss, who was, I will say, much admired by yours truly, hated to shut her computer down because it said "aborting operation." Oye. She wouldn't let her kids eat at McDonald's because there was some connection between them and Planned Parenthood. Don't ask me what, cause I didn't want to know, but maybe Ronald was secretly handing out prophylactics with the fries. Brings a whole new meaning to the idea of a Happy Meal, now doesn't it?

But here with the Methodists, I started out yesterday with a call about erectile dysfunction, and ended it with someone who had "rainbow colored bugs flying out of every orifice." And started my day today with someone who wanted "help with conception." What she thought I would be able to do about that, I'll never know, but maybe if she'd called the Catholics......

So yeah, those Catholics are probably still praying for me, but so are some Methodists I know, as well as some Presbyterians, and probably a few others that I don't know about. God knows, I can use all the help I can get.

But underneath it all, we're all the same, so let me show you the way with this Henson Kickernik lavender teddy, from The Ornament Gal, on ebay. Cause if I'm gonna burn in hell, I'm gonna look good doing it!

The not so demon child

I was raised a good Methodist. Yeah, the kids went to Lutheran schools for a bit, and we are members at a Presbyterian church, but you know how the song goes, "I'm a Methodist Till I Die."
DD, on the other hand, is a Presbyterian who has an admiration for the Catholic faith. Never mind the fact that she's never actually attended mass, and has no idea what the pope does, she loves those Catholics.

::Disclaimer:: Continuing reading of this entry may be hazardous to your faith. If you are Catholic, that is. And please keep in mind the Utterly whacky way of life at our house. You've been warned.

DD loves to watch shows on TV about ghosties and possessed people. I don't even know the name of the two shows she watches, but she loves to see those Ghostbusters go flying in with their weird equipment, looking for spirits. There's one show where either the house or its occupants are always possessed by something. Reenactments abound, a la America's Most Wanted or Rescue 911. Things will be flying, crazy things are happening, they get the shaman, the minister, and the kitchen sink to bless the place. Nothing happens. Then dd announces "watch -- this is where they bring in the Catholics."

"Cause them Catholics can get them demons out yo soul."

Yep. That's the dd's ghettospeak for her admiration for the Catholics. Seems like all those priests do is show up, and the demons go running -- maybe toward the Protestants, I don't know. But they definitely do like Elvis and leave the building. I don't think I've seen an episode yet where they can survive the father's blessing. So maybe the dd is onto something -- those demons really CAN get them demons out yo soul.

More ponderings on Catholicism tomorrow. Totally tongue in cheek, mind you.

And meantime, while I am praying for forgiveness, I'll be thinking of these wonderful Sterling Silver and Pink Tourmaline earrings, from Tami's Treasures, on Main Street Mall Online. Holy water not included.