Valley of the Clueless

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We went to Blockbuster today, for the first time in ages. I hardly ever go there, as I don't watch a lot of movies, unless someone else puts it on, but dd17 wanted to see Atonement, and of course I couldn't resist.

Of course, hubby wasn't crazy about it the first time we saw it. The second time, I went with ds18. I knew there's no way hubby would sit through it again, so we got Into the Wild, which dd wants to see -- but, as I'm told has a scene of a moose being skinned, so I'm not sure how that will go over. We got a couple of others as well.

Somehow, on the way home, we somehow got talking about scary movies. DS13 hates them, as do I. DD, on the other hand, has loved them since she was a toddler, when she would call me at work, to tell me that she'd been watching "the fishy movie" with Daddy. When I asked what movie, she said "Draws," which was her three year old version of Jaws. Yep. She was watching man eating sharks with Daddy. It was a special bonding time, I suppose, as were the many times that they watched Tales from the Crypt together.

So we were talking about scary movies and books on the way home today, and I mentioned how Helter Skelter had freaked me out so badly that I didn't sleep for weeks, when I was in junior high. They asked me what the heck Helter Skelter was, and I replied, "it was about Charles Manson." DS13 asked who Charles Manson was, and dd replied "he's a lingerie designer."

Oh. My. God.

DS's response was "I thought he was a rock singer," at which point I thought either my kids need to get out more, or maybe it's not such a bad thing that they don't know who is. Turned out that they were both referring to Marilyn Manson, who had a line of clothing at one time. They remembered the fact that I had sold a pair of MM red lace boy shorts on ebay some time back. So somehow, we went from mass murder to red lace panties, in the course of one sentence.

But that's how Utter Chaos rolls. Suffice it to say, they were straightened out on that sad little bit of American history, at least briefly, and maybe, just maybe, now they could tell you the difference between a musician and a mass murderer, but then again, ds13 is pretty goofy on a good day, so who knows. Meantime, if you want to check out some REALLY cool lingerie from the princess of panties, check out my girl Michelle's website, Dollhouse Bettie Vintage,. She's got the most beautiful collection of vintage lingerie online, as well as designer lingerie too. It'll rock your socks off!

V.D.

Well, folks, we're into February now and you know what that means -- Valentine's Day. The ultimate celebration of love. The day where more chocolate will pass hands than possibly any other day of the year.

Those who know me know that I'm not into the whole Valentine's Day thing. I told the ds18's friends, when they were in middle school -- don't get yourself a girlfriend before Valentine's Day. I actually told them to stay away from girls till they were at least 20, but they didn't listen. They didn't listen to my motherly warnings about Valentine's Day either, despite the fact that they were intended to protect them.

From what, you say? From greedy little middle and high school girls who only wanted a gift. I would tell them, stay away till after Feb 14th, or you are doomed. If you get a sucky gift for her, she'll dump you -- and what middle school boy has money for a decent gift? And if she doesn't really like you, she's just looking for a gift, and she'll dump you. They would just look at me blankly. And ask some girl out.

Of course, then they'd wonder why the heck they got dumped, but they did start to realize that maybe, just maybe, the mother of the House of Utter Chaos really did know her stuff.

Now those boys are 18-20, and giving up World of Warcraft for female companionship. Amazing thing, really, to watch that evolution. Before you know it, they'll be getting married -- in five or ten years, hopefully. And then they might just go and buy their woman something like this Dollhouse Bettie, on Haight, in San Francisco. They'll soon be opening on the web, too. OK, so I know that this set isn't vintage, buy who cares? They have some seriously sexy stuff there -- with a great vintage collection, too. Stop by and have Michelle do some boudoir photos of your sweetie -- she does some great work. She might even be able to do something with ME, she's that good.

Going to Hell in a blister pack

One of the hospitals we answer for at work is Methodist Hospital, in Indianapolis. The Methodists believe in freedom of expression, so we can talk pretty freely to our callers. The Catholic hospital I used to work for, on the other hand, probably had me right on the top of the "needs a rosary said for them" list.

I probably have at least a dozen nuns praying for me nonstop, even now -- seven years after I left there.

The Catholics believe that birth control is a sin. They don't use it (::wink wink::). We weren't allowed to discuss birth control with our callers, EVER. I think sometimes that they got Protestant callers to call in as mystery shoppers, just to make me sweat. I toed that line so close that my boss would come out of her office, shaking her head saying, "you sure do dance all around it, but you never QUITE break the rules, do you?" I just grinned.

Never really envisioned myself dancing around a pack of birth control pills, but whatever rocks your world. I never got written up.

It was so crazy there that that same Irish Catholic boss, who was, I will say, much admired by yours truly, hated to shut her computer down because it said "aborting operation." Oye. She wouldn't let her kids eat at McDonald's because there was some connection between them and Planned Parenthood. Don't ask me what, cause I didn't want to know, but maybe Ronald was secretly handing out prophylactics with the fries. Brings a whole new meaning to the idea of a Happy Meal, now doesn't it?

But here with the Methodists, I started out yesterday with a call about erectile dysfunction, and ended it with someone who had "rainbow colored bugs flying out of every orifice." And started my day today with someone who wanted "help with conception." What she thought I would be able to do about that, I'll never know, but maybe if she'd called the Catholics......

So yeah, those Catholics are probably still praying for me, but so are some Methodists I know, as well as some Presbyterians, and probably a few others that I don't know about. God knows, I can use all the help I can get.

But underneath it all, we're all the same, so let me show you the way with this Henson Kickernik lavender teddy, from The Ornament Gal, on ebay. Cause if I'm gonna burn in hell, I'm gonna look good doing it!