Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Man's best friend

Boo, our 7 year old mutt on Prozac, loves to eviscerate stuffed animals. Jill used to buy him toys at the DAV, just to let him gut them. He did, within minutes of them entering the house, and leaving the living room looking like a big cloud, with stuffing all over the place. He then carries the floppy carcass all over the house, and plays tug-o-war with anyone who will join in. Jill can even get him to play hide and seek with it. It's hilarious.

He hasn't gotten to do it much since The Brat left for school, but he has a new habit: pulling the batting out of my quilt. I have a quilt, not old, that is getting rather shredded from me bundling up in it. It's not a huge deal. Although I love that quilt, it was bought for cheap at Sears, and has now been relegated to covering the man-cave couch, in a desperate attempt to keep the dog hair at bay. Well, Boo has decided that it is his personal mission to remove the batting from inside every square inch of it with his teeth. It's quite something to watch, and he keeps at it, despite our admonitions to leave the darned thing alone.

So Thomas was over the other day, to watch football with Dan. Dan wasn't home yet, so the Heir to the Throne was sitting in the King's chair. Weird noises were coming from the couch, and we looked over to see Boo chewing on a piece of batting that he had stuck in his mouth. "What are you doing," said The Heir. Boo just looked at him and kept trying to get the stuff loose. It wasn't looking good. It was, as a matter of fact, looking more like he might barf on the couch, cause he just could not get it loose. "Not going too good for you, is it, Boo," said Thomas. Boo sat up and stuck his head near Thomas, with a look that said "I'm not too sure about this, dude." Thomas started laughing.

It was at that moment that Boo, formerly so terrified of him that he'd pee on the floor if Thomas even looked at him, gave him the ultimate gift: he dropped the whole slimy mess on Thomas' shirt. I swear he looked proud when he laid back down.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Warning: potentiall offensive to non-medical people

I will just say, nurses have an odd sense of humor. Be forewarned.

So, in my "new" job of 2 months, I am a systems analyst, working in our electronic medical record department. I'm quickly gaining a rep as the housekeeper of the system, because I've been fixing all of the typographical errors, punctuation gone awry, and lists that aren't alphabetized. Typos make me crazy, so maybe we can say that after 2 months, I'm almost sane. Not.

One of the nurses put in a Help Desk ticket to get a bunch of old diabetic monitors taken off of the list, so that the docs don't have to wade through a bazillion listings that aren't usable. It started with a list of about 50 things to do, maybe more, and now it's morphed into a huge project. Keep in mind that the majority of our patients are on Medicaid, and Medicaid won't pay for everything. add to that that the list of a bazillion things has listings for brands like Albertson's and Giant Eagle that do not operate anywhere near central Indiana. So yeah, I've been weeding those out.

I also took out the listings for the Land Before Time diapers, which I'm sure Jill wishes were still made, since it's one of her favorite movies. It gave me a real visual, remembering how many times the kids watched that movie. A visual that wasn't nearly so profound as when I came across the listing for a Vaginal Dispenser.

What the heck is that?

I thought at first that maybe it was one of those things you use to put Monistat in, but we call those applicators. So yeah, I have no idea, but I can't get the picture of a vajayjay spewing out M&Ms out of my head. I think I'll stop cleaning now.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Never can say goodbye.....

So I went to lunch with the girls yesterday, and when I left, I got a true shocker. Now, I work in da 'hood, and I'm not easily surprised by much of anything that happens there. We share our side of the building with a bunch of social services. We get propositioned regularly by the prisoners. We ladies consider it to be a good week when we have toilet paper, because it's stolen on a pretty regular basis. And let's just say, you could get higher than a kite walking in the front door most days. It keeps the workday interesting.

So I went out to my car and put it in reverse. Started backing out really slowly, and suddenly the door on the car next to me flew open. The back door, that is. So now, I'm not only watching out for stoned drivers in the parking lot, I was worried about that door hitting my mirror as I tried to get out. I slowed down even more. I realized that the door wasn't closing, so then I was worried -- does this dude know that my car is moving, and is he gonna back into me. That was when I got an eyeful.

Dude was doing a furious booty shake, droopy pants and all, right in my passenger's window. WOW.

I thought that was strange enough, and was wondering if it was a private dance, till I backed up far enough to turn the wheel to get out. That's when I saw that he had moved to the back of his car, accompanied by his lady friend, and now BOTH of them were going at it with booty shakes the speed of lightening. They were still at it when I exited the parking lot. It was like having two butts waving goodbye.

That was a first. And that alone is something I never thought I'd say about my place of employment.

So enjoy this video, and if you don't know what a booty shake is, wait till 3:00 on the video, then imagine this being done practically in your face by a total stranger. I know I'll never forget it.