Monday, June 30, 2014


My sweet hubby and I went away for the weekend last weekend.  It was just a nice overnighter, but it's nice to get away once in a while.  Plus, when you do an overnighter, the prep is pretty simple.  It's the emotional prep that's hard.

Jim was pretty darned sure that the dog was either going to a) starve to death or b) be mauled by Thomas' dog.  See, Penny (Thomas' dog) has this in-your-face-play-with-me personality which knows no personal space, and Mickey, our little prince, just ain't havin it.  Mickey loves his humans and no one shall put them asunder.  He sees Penny as a threat to his firm entrenchment as Dog of the House.  Penny doesn't care.  She just blunders through life with no regard to anyone.  This does not always work out well, as Mickey doesn't want her near his humans, and although he's a third of her size, he will have his say withi Penny.  Penny, on the other hand, has been known to pin Mickey to the ground, teeth bared, should he make her mad.

So the conversations went like this:
Jim: "Who's watching the prince while we're gone?"
Me: "The boys."
Jim: "No way.  They will kill my dog.  They'll forget to feed him.  Those boys can't even remember to feed themselves. How will they remember to feed the dog?"
Me:  "Penny is five.  She has lived with Thomas her whole life.  She hasn't died yet.  They'll be fine."
Jim:  "I'm telling you, he's gonna starve to death.  Maybe I'll have David (his son) watch him"

::pause while he checks with David, who had plans and wasn't available::

Jim: " They're gonna kill each other.  I don't want that dog killing my fuzzy dog."
Me:  "They'll be fine."
Jim:  "We're gonna come home to a dead dog.  You just watch."

So the week went by, and Friday night arrived.  He suddenly changed focus.

Jim:  "So, those boys are going to starve while we're gone.  You know that, right?"
Me: "Why in the world would you say that?  They'll be fine."
Jim:  "Because there's no one here to cook for them, and they don't know how to cook."
Me:  "They are fine.  They are both really good cooks."
Jim: "I don't think so.  They're probably gonna starve."

The man has to have something to fret about -- and it's usually food related.  Let's just say, there is ZERO chance of anyone starving to death around here, because we usually have enough food to feed an army.   And so it was that we pulled out of the drveway and drove off for our little getaway, with Jim fretting that the boys would destroy the house in some way, shape or form.  Can you tell that he raised three sons, three years apart?  And yes, he did come home early from a weekend away to find a full blown party in the house, complete with teenagers passed out in his bedroom.  So yeah, I get his point, but these are the Nerd Boys you're talking about.  Geez.

So we got to the hotel, and Jim told me to call and see if they had fed the dog, and ask what time Seth's girlfrend had gotten there.  Here's the texting.

Me: "Ask the clowns if they fed my dog and ask what time Elaine got there."  LOL
Thomas: Elaine got here around 3.  Dogs starved to death, I'm wont to report.

Cracked me up.  The boys understand my dear husband so well.  He laughed when he heard Thomas' response.  On Sunday, here's the communicaton:

Thomas:  What time are you guys heading back?
Me: We should be home around nine or so.
Thomas:  OK.  The liquor bottles and dead hookers should be cleaned up by then.
Me:  Did you bury the dogs?
Thomas: Buried Penny.  Had to eat Mickey.
Me:  How'd you cook him?
Thomas:  Fava beans and a nice chianti.

It's almost worth going away, just to see what they come up with next.

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

It Was Nice While It Lasted, Molly

Sadly, Thomas' Molly lost on Jeopardy tonight, in a nailbiter of a game.  Thomas didn't register it at first and, thinking she had won after a comeback from third place, leapt higher in the air than I knew he was capable of.  He ended up in a crumpled heap when he realized she had lost, holding his head and moaning "no, Molly, NO."

He may need therapy.  On the other hand, he spent a good portion of time today playing on some trivia app on his tablet.  He was destroying people in math word problems, when he came up with a new opponent:  Raj Kumar from India.  "Oh man," he said.  "I'm screwed.  He's from India."  Until he destroyed him, too.  He moved on to General Trivia, where I think he was practicing for his own stint on Jeopardy where, he claimed, he will catch Molly's eye.  Oye VAY the boy takes a cute smile seriously.  I had a proud moment though, when he asked me what Coco Chanel's first name was (Gabrielle).  Gotta love a boy who asks even ONE question about classic designers.

I may have to put him back in the will.

And, in another happy thought, Jillie sent me this:

I have no words.  The preview photos from the wedding are beyond gorgeous, but this one says it all.  Her response? "This is probably the one day of my life that I didn't have mud under my nails."  Archaeologist, dontcha know.

I just look at it and think to myself, THIS.  This right here makes it worth the fact that she screamed through her first year of life, didn't sleep through the night till she was four, and made me absolutely insane for a while when she was 18.  This brought things full circle.  I love you, Pretty Gurl.

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

I'll Take a Nurse for $2000, Alex.

The Heir to the Throne is in love.  Pretty sure it's the real thing.  Plus side:  she's a nurse.  And super smart.  And cute.  (Those are in my order, not his.) Down side:  she's married to someone else.

Thomas has developed a Jeopardy fixation.  Now, this does not discount his obsession with game shows since an early age.  When he was two, his father and I watched Jeopardy fairly religiously.  The ex used to say he was going to get me on the show so we could pay the house off.  The closest I ever got was on a cruise ship, where I did well, but lost cause the darned ringer didn't ring me in in time.  But I digress.  Thomas has been influenced since a young age, when he would come running during the station break, saying "debbydebbydebbydebby" and then kissing the screen as newscaster Debby Knox gave the station break announcement.  He loved her.

Fast forward some years, and he has taken to watching Jeopardy repeats on youtube.  He shoots the questions at me, then says, with a fair amount of amazement "how have you never been on this show?"  Yeah, I have a fair amount of useless knowledge.  So on his afternoon breaks lately, this is what he's done.  And then he discovered Molly.

Molly Lalonde, of Nashville, Tennessee, has been the jeopardy champion for the past couple of days.  The first day, I didn't realize his fixation.  Yesterday, he was remarking to his brother "wouldn't it be funny if Molly was still on" right as they announced that she was, indeed, the champion.  Thomas went nuts.  I asked what the heck was his deal, and he replied "LOOK at her.  She SO cute."  Yeah, she is.  She has a super cute smile.  So he was enthused to be able to watch her again.  She was on a roll, when she suddenly gave a wrong answer.  His reponse was to yell -- quite loudly -- "NO Molly.  That was so EASY!"  He was in some fear, I guess, that she would be booted, but I'm happy to report that she won again.  He set the DVR to record Jeopardy at that point.

So today, we couldn't decide what was for dinner.  Jim got caught in traffic on the way home, and I don't cook, so we muddled about for a while before deciding to get takeout.  Thomas was enthusiastic about picking it up, till I mentioned that it was 7:31.  "Oh MAN, is Jeopardy recording," he said, before turning on the telly to check.  "It it's not recording, my life is OVER."  Apparently, a cute girl on Jeopardy can reduce a 24 year old young man to the mindset of a 13 year old girl, minus the door slamming.  Thank God, it was recording.

He went with Seth to pick up the food, and was conversant during our dinner, then immediately retired to the DVR to cheer on his favorite girl.  Now, keep in mind that last night, we Facebook stalked his woman, only to find that alas, she is married to another.  He was sad.  We don't like it when Thomas is sad.  He may or may not have muttered something about it being temporary.  He also may have mentioned that she's a hometown girl when we found out that her undergrad work was done at Notre Dame.  As a side note, my dear husband may or may not have encouraged his interest with a pronouncement that "nurses are always hot, and ready to party."  He should know. He's been married to two.  Thomas took this under advisement.

That was right around the time that the tornado watch hit.  Channel 8 went to the meteorologist, who happens to be a sweet young thing with a nice rack.  Thomas didn't notice.  He was busy wailing "NOOOOOOOO.  Forget the tornado.  Where's MOLLY?"  He missed Double Jeopardy because of this.  He was not amused.

And so it is that now his pseudo-wife Molly is now a three day champion, and the Heir to the Throne became a very happy young man.

Tuesday, June 03, 2014

Oh Happy Day

Saturday last, my sweet girl got married.  I have gone through a lot of emotions this week, to say the least.  Here's a little snippet.

Her BFF snce the age of four threw her a bachelorette party, which was just going out to dinner at Macaroni Grill, then back to Corri's house for games, thanks to Seth's girlfriend Elaine.  One of them was a "how well do you know Jill" game, which surprisingly,  I won, with three points.  I mean, who knew that Jill would most like to kiss Liam Neeson before she got marred?  At least she has good taste.

Afterward, she and Corri went to the garage to get the tree stump her dad had carved for Jill's wedding cake stand.  I pulled the car around, and my eyes laid on these beautiful young women, and I was suddenly carried back to when they were about ten.  It was a flash that nearly got me, and I had to catch myself.  Jill hates it when "grown ups" cry.  I told her that all bets were off for her wedding day.

At the rehearsal, Thomas dscovered that the more serious the situation requires him to be is in direct proportion to how badly he behaves.  Walking Jill down the aisle, I looked over and Seth was dancing, waving his arms over his head -- which is pretty normal for him -- and Thomas was dancing wildlly in place.  Oddly, the priest did not say anythng, but Jill and Michael were met with a firm "NO SKIPPING" admonishment when they left the church improperly.  I'm sure that the rather Napoleonic priest was blaming the Protestant bride under their breath.  I, of course, laughed and high fived her as she skipped by.

Saturday morning came along, and off she went for a bridesmaids' breakfast.  I met her at the church later to get hair and makeup done.  She had bought monogrammed robes for the girls as their gift, so in I walked to the girls giggling like little girls in their pink robes, in various states of hair intervention.  Jill went and laid down on a table at one point while she waited.  I'm pretty sure that in that couple of hours, I saw some part of each of the bridesmaids undergarments.  Not sure how that happened, but yeah.  Suddenly, it was time to get over to the church NOW -- as in, we were late getting Jill over there so that no one would see her -- so the flower girl grabbed one end of her dress and I grabbed the other, and we basically ran across the parking lot, straight to the basement room where she was to hide.  A few minutes later, I had sweat dripping down everywhere, thinking that I was in the midst of a menopausal power surge, when the photographer realized that the heat was on full blast.  I can't imagine how hot Jill was under all that tulle, but she looked beautiful.
Contrary to her earlier warnings, she did NOT throw up.

The ceremony went off without a hitch, though it contained an overly long homily in which the priest a) said "Jill and Michael" at least twenty times, as if he was reminding himself of who he was marrying, or filling in the blanks on his standard speech, and b) he seemed to have a fixation with talking about the marriage bed, and consummating the marriage, both of which were met with wide eyes by the bride.  She rolled her eyes more than once.  The sweetest moment for me was when they lit the unity candle, and the soloist was singing "You Are Mine."  I looked over and saw that my Jillie, who never can seem to stop singing, was singing to Michael -- and he promptly joined in and sung to her.   It was just a perfect display of Jill and Michael. Then I realized that the priest was singing too, and it was just kind of funny.

I didn't cry.  Not even close.  I was just so happy.  Her brothers, however, both professed later that they had trouble holding on and both almost lost it.  That was a real revelation to me, after watching those three grow up at each others' throats a fair portion of the time.  Ah, it's nice to see things come full circle, and realize that these parts of your DNA turned out to be just. so. nice.  And man, they clean up well too.

Maybe I'll remember to tell about the reception, but given my proclivity for forgetting to finish two part blog entries, I make no promises.  So I will just leave you with this, which warms my heart more than I can say: