Excuses, excuses

I've been a nurse for 26 years. I've been a triage nurse for ten years. In that time, I have heard just about every excuse there is for losing a prescription for "the good stuff." But today, I heard what will probably go down as my favorite. More on that later.

Here are ones that we hear so often, you shouldn't bother with them:

• "I dropped it in the toilet." Please.
• "I left it at the hotel, and the maids stole it."
  
• Someone cleaned out my car and it got thrown away.
• It got stolen when I went in to pay for my gas at the gas station.
  
• It got stolen. Now, I did get a bit of extra credit to the guy who called one Saturday and said his house had been broken into, and all they stole was his prescription. Hmmmm.... Well, toddle off to the ER with a police report, and maybe, just maybe, they will give you a script. Next day, the same guy calls back, saying "you aren't gonna believe it, but my house got broken into and they stole my police report." You're right. I don't believe you.

Up till today, the best one I'd heard was someone who said "my Xanax got stolen at a baby shower." Now that must've been quite some baby shower, and maybe she didn't get a new prescription, but I did give her points for creativity.

Today, I had the penultimate reason given to me: "The South Korean government confiscated it." And the funny thing is, it was true. Without going into details, let's just say that the Koreans don't like anyone bringing medicine out of the country, so somewhere there's a South Korean guard standing at attention, with a goofy blank look.

Make that guy pee in a cup.