So I put the ad on Craigslist, and I guess people liked it, because I'm still getting fan mail over it, and people telling me that a) they would like to be my friend and b) they laughed really hard when they read it. It got put on Best of Craigslist, so the fan mail comes from all over now. It cracks me up.
So here it is. You decide. I'll be unpacking boxes.