Today was the day that Seth became a man. We took him to the fort for his date with a certain Walmart shower curtain. We got there nice and early -- early to the point that he got number ONE when we checked in. The gentleman at the counter asked him "are you really READY to be Number ONE" to which Seth responded in some sleepy version of agreement. Said gentleman then said, "well, we could do you one better." "Huh?" "You could be Number NOW." We laughed and sat down in the empty waiting area. Suddenly, we hear a female voice call out "Number NOW."
Seth didn't flinch.
She called out again "Number NOW." I nudged him and we got down to business. It was a busy day, with going to the fort, then my doctor appointment, and Seth had two appointments. Appointments mean waiting, so while I was waiting for the doctor, I was sending Seth Snapchats, which were met with mixed responses, at best. And when I came out, he shared what he'd been texting with his little lady friend.
No joke, this kid's little lady friend is a PERFECT match for him. Seriously. I laughed so stinkin hard when I read this that I about lost it. Then I asked him if I could share it on the blog. He thought the idea was great, and so it is that I share it with you, complete with their spellings and lack of punctuations and YELLING AT EACH OTHER IN CAPS.
Seth: Doodswag! Whatcha got goin on tomorrow?
Elaine: Nuffin. :-) planning on coming home and doing whatever the hell I want. You?
Seth: Noice. I gotta get up early and get me a military id then i have doctors appointments.
Elaine: Wait what
Seth: No Idea. Something about Jim being a Marine means I get a military ID. Insurance stuff.
Elaine: Yeah, that'd be good. Please dun enlist. I need you to take care of the farm.
Seth: Wait. Wut farm?
Seth: U wot?
Elaine: I AM ONLY A LITTLE WOMAN I CAIN'T HANDLE A WHOLE FARM ON MAH OWN DARYL.
Seth: GERTRUDE GED DEMMIT AH TELLS YA I GOTTA SERVE ME COUNTRY!
Elaine: DARYL THESE CHICKENS AND CHILDREN AIN'T GONNA RAISE THEMSELVES.
Seth: THAS WHY YOU'S HERE WOMAN!
Elaine: I HAVE SO MANY OTHER RESPONSIBILITIES AROUND THIS FARM. I CANNOT STAND TO KNOWN THAT YOU COULDA BEEN DOIN HALF OF IT. CLYDE AIN'T EVEN SEVEN YET, DARYL.
Seth: THE HELL DOES RESPANSIBILINIES MEAN? CLEETUS AND MAGGY ARE OLD ENUF TO HELP YOU! HELL, WHEN I WAS 9 I'D ALREADY DUN KILLED MAH FIRST COW.
Elaine: I WILL NOT LET YOU GO TO WAR AND HANG AROUND WITH THE IRAYNIYANS AND BE UNFAITHFUL TO THE BIBLE BY KILLIN PERSONS. YOU COME HOME THIS INSTANT DARYL.
Seth: DAMMIT WOMAN TELL THAT TO OBAHMA!
Elaine: HONEY YOU DAMN WELL KNOW I TRIED. THAT MAN WON'T LISTEN TO US. HE DUN WANT NUTHIN FROM YOU WID YOUR BUM LEG AND GLASS EYE.
Elaine: wow that actually sounded anti Obama. My bad.
Seth: LOL well that was fin.
Seth: Fin Fun.
Is this girl a perfect match for The Spare, or what? And for all of Seth's posturing that Jim and I need our own sitcom, I am now convinced that he and Elaine need one of their own. Coming to a cable channel near you.