Thursday, October 04, 2007

Could this be the magic?

I have a magic butt. Yep, that's right. I have maximized my gluteii.

Most women have this magic too, but maybe they don't know it, so I'm spreading the word. It doesn't happen until one gets married, and exponentiates greatly upon the birth of children.

Case in point, the morning magic butt: I lay in bed for a while after I wake up. I hate mornings, so I delay vertical movement for as long as possible. This means that I delay it until my bladder, sagging a bit from the birth of three children plus some extra luggage, screams for mercy. Not a creature is stirring in the house. The place is like a morgue. Like a morgue, that is, until my magic butt decides to get up, at which point I will be lucky to make it to the bathroom without swimming. At the exact point at which vertical movement begins, someone (and it doesn't matter who) runs into the bathroom, locks the door, and starts showering. Or the husband magically appears out of nowhere with the newspaper, which means that I'm not getting in that bathroom till I'm floating.

Another case in point: the evening magic butt. I am sitting on the couch, watching TV. Maybe I've watched half a football game (ok, well, I'm not WATCHING the football game, but it's on, cause I'm a supportive wife who pretends to watch the game while hubby fumes about the score), and I suddenly decide to get up to answer nature's call. The magic butt strikes again, because the minute I start to get up to go to the bathroom, again, someone flies in there and starts running the bathwater.

And you know, I'm sorry, but when the 13yo ds decides to take a bath, it's a miracle. And I don't interfere with miracles.

But I can't take long baths like the teenaged son, because the magic butt intervenes. This is one that every mother can relate to. The family is calm. Hubby's half asleep in front of the TV. Boys are playing video games, and dd is chatting it up with her friends. What better time to take a nice bath, one would think? Yeah, right.

The minute my naked butt hits that tub, the knocking on the door starts. I have learned, over the course of time, to lock the door, to keep them at bay, but that doesn't stop the high octane knocking. "What are you doing in there? I need to pee. When are you gonna be outta there? Is my brush in there?" The list goes on and on, but let's just say that there isn't so much family togetherness since Christmas morning as when my butt hits the tub.

The bedtime magic butt is different. Say I've been "watching" the game with the husband. Say that the husband has been asleep since the third quarter. Say that I have a good book to read, so I decide that I'm going to go read in bed. I go in, brush my teeth, get jammies on, turn the lamp over the bed on, and magically, when my butt hits the bed, the hubby shows up, crawls in the bed and says "when are you gonna turn that light out? I'm trying to sleep."

Every time. Without fail.

And so, in honor of my magical bootiness, here's a couple of pretties, to show off the magic, from some of my favorite sellers:

This lace 20s confection is droolworthy, and comes to you from Dorothea's Closet. I've loved this one since I first laid eyes on it -- and may've even blogged about it before but tough, you have to look at it, because I love it. No way my magic will fit in it, so someone buy it -- it's luscious! And whilst you are visiting her website, look at that Ceil Chapman on the homepage. It deserves a blog of its own.

The wonderful purple Sarah Whitworth corset dress at the top of the page is from Vintage A-Peel , who has all that's fabulous in vintage on the other side of the big pond. Here's her take on this one, when I asked her to show me something that makes a butt look great: "Great is probably a matter of opinion, whether you're trying to maximise or minimise, but personally I love this dress for celebrating the posterior by decorating it with a big ol' ruffle waterfall!"

And not to be outdone, here's a great 50s bubble dress from
Fast Eddie's Retro Rags. When Kim showed up with her reasons on why this was great, I had to include it. I have a similar one in my store, in green (with no bow), but never thought of it like Kim did: "It has a HUGE butt bow and full circle bubble skirt-- Nothing more flattering to an ass, than to completely hide it!"
That is, unless your ass is magical. Like mine.

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