Saturday, October 06, 2007

A brain is a terrible thing to waste

Most of you know that my main job is as a nurse, taking calls on an advice line. It can get pretty monotonous in flu season: coughs, colds, vomiting, blah blah blah, but you know, people need help, so there I am. I love it. It can be pretty entertaining at times, too. But sometimes when you answer calls, you just have to wonder what in the world people are thinking. Or if they ARE thinking. Or if they have the CAPABILITY to think. The other day, I got the most stupid call possibly of my lifetime. I may never have another one like this.

Answered live. In the afternoon, which usually means it's a sex call (see Gettin' Jiggy With It..). But this was a "settle the argument" call. I'm used to settling arguments and bets with our callers. I used to get a lot of these when we answered for a hospital near the college in town. Like the time one of the frat boys asked me to settle a bet -- "what is a herpetologist? A person who studies snakes, or a specialist in herpes?" I don't know if there was beer involved in winning, but for the record, it's a person who studies snakes.

Mom and Dad's tuition money, at hard work. Yep.

So here's the basic gist of the call I got the other day. Ring in if you know the right answer before this chick.

“My mom, my sister and I have been having a discussion, and we need you to settle the argument.”

“Sure, what can I help you with?”

"Are the boogers in your nose brain tissue?”

::insert LONG, incredulous pause::


“Really? Then what are they?”


“What’s mucus?”

::insert long discussion about mucus, sinuses and such::


“So you mean that when I blow my nose, it’s not brain matter?”

::insert cartoon style balloon over nurse's head::
Honey, in your case, I doubt it, cause you have to have brain matter to begin with, and if you do, let’s HOPE it’s not flying out your nose.

And so, in honor of those who do or don't have gray matter, here's a fabulous Shaheen skirt, in all matter of gray and white, with some black and charcoal thrown in, for good measure. For the intelligent shopper, from Cats Vintage and Designer Clothing, on ebay.

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