Monday, November 06, 2006

You show me yours, I'll show it to my cousin.

Some people are just really stupid. I'm sorry, but it's the honest truth. And I've taken care of a lot of them.

One time when we lived in Florida, I got a new admission in the ICU. Something new: a rattlesnake bite. I'd never taken care of a patient with a rattlesnake bite before. I went in to do an initial assessment on him -- this guy's arm was at least three times its normal size. It was a sight to see, believe me.

I'm a chatty person. OK, so I talk too much, but it helps a bit, when you're a nurse. You find out all kinds of things if you know how to talk to people. One time, the neighborhood hottie was at our house. He ended up staying for 2 1/2 hours, telling me everything from his middle name to how he almost got arrested, to how he duct taped a kid to the flagpole at school. DD asked, "how in the world did you get him to tell you all that?" It's my job, ma'am.

So, I was talking to my patient whilst I settled him in. He was from Tennessee, and had an accent to prove it. We got to talking, and I asked him how in the world he got a rattlesnake bite on his thumb. Here's what he said:

::imagine slow Tennessee drawl::
"I was walking down the road to my cousins, and I saw this ole rattlesnake, just lyin' there, so I decided to take it and show it to my cousin. Picked it up, and it bit me, right on the thumb."

I asked, "What'd you do next?"

Reply: "I kilt it with a rock."

Me: "Well, then what'd you do?"

Einstein: "Took it and showed it to my cousin."

OYE. That guy probably has a whole bevy of children who all look like him by now.

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