I Ain't Buying What He's Selling

My old boss was a Jehovah Witness.  Every Thursday, she would say "well, I have to go to Bible study tonight, to learn how to knock on your door."  "Not my door," I would say.  "I've lived there for almost twenty years, and not once has a JW or a Mormon knocked on my door."  She was somewhat incredulous about this, and went so far as to even take note of my address one time, but no one ever came.  Except the seasonal leaf blower/snow shoveller types  -- one of whom later broke into our garage and stole our (broken) snowblower.   That gave me a laugh.

So today one of my friends posted on Facebook that the Mormons were canvassing her neighborhood, and she was trying to decide whether to blast Highway to Hell right then, or wait till they knocked on the door.  Well, we all know that life is full of options, so we started listing some for her:

• Greet them at the door wearing a burqua.
• Keep some Jehovah Witness literature on hand.  (Or Mormon, in case of JW sightings.)
• Ask if they are Team Jacob, or Team Edward.
• Play Iron Maiden's Number of the Beast
• Tell them you're Jewish.

My contributions:

• Since she has a big dog, when the doorbell rings, just start shouting "SATAN!  SATAN!  Get behind me!"
• Or greet them enthusiastically, grab them by the arm and say "oh thank GOD you are here!  The body's in the living room."
• Say "You're right on time.  I have the money right here.  It'll be done quietly, correct?"

Of course, be kind to them, even if you don't intend to chat.  They're just doing the Lord's work.  But life really should always be handled with a wink.