Don't mess with Mother Nature

The Brat works at a horseback riding stable. This is her second full year there, and she loves it. She gets to ride her own horse a good portion of the time, and gets to ride a lot. Only my Jill could enjoy shovelling horse poop all day long, but she does.

The other day, she was the guide for a group that included a 15yo boy and his grandparents. Said boy was working my girl's last nerve, because he didn't want to follow instructions. Kept taking his feet out of the stirrups. That's a no-no. Then he'd drop his reins. Another no-no. Kept repeating his errors, which was working her nerves. You don't want to work Jill's nerves.

His final sin was when he finished his water bottle, then lobbed it over to the brush. It hit a tree, then bounced back and hit his horse. Uh oh. Jill stopped, dismounted, and had another customer hold her horse's reins while she walked back to the offender.

"Get down," said the girl.
"What?" said the offender.
"I said get down."
"I won't be able to get back on." Uh oh.
"I'll help you get back on. Get down."

Now she's getting testy. You don't want Jill to get testy. Especially if you are a teenaged boy, because she is the middle child and the only girl, sandwiched between two teenaged brothers. She KNOWS how to handle teenaged boys. To the point that one kinda crazy right-wing homeschool mom told me that she may just have trouble finding a mate, if she didn't learn how to speak nicely to the boys. Now, I have to say that since she was 15 at the time, I really wasn't too concerned about her finding a mate, but I will say that she won't take any crap from the one she finds.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch..........the offender finally realizes that he'd better obey the guide, cause she ain't gonna back down and, if history tells us anything, she most likely had a rather crazed look in her eye. He got down off the horse.

"Now, go pick up that bottle."
"What am I gonna do with it, cause there's no trash can."
"You are going to carry it," says she. "Pick it up."

He does. She helps him back on his horse.

She says "now, how do you feel?" "Well honestly, I'm kinda embarrassed."

"Good," says the girl. "Now you know how The Earth feels."

So yeah, enjoy the beautiful day, but don't be embarrassing The Earth. Elsewise, you might just have The Brat coming down off her high horse and taking you down a notch or two.

Santa Claus with a crack pipe

Well, I guess the camping trip was a success. No one set themself
on fire, and the only one who came back worse for the wear was Dan, who tried to be a hero and go mountain biking with the guys. Let's just say it wasn't as bad as his worst mountain biking accident, but his right side ain't looking real pretty.

I'm not sure that you can properly use the term mountain biking in Indiana, but you know, if it strokes the old guys' egos, we'll just roll with it.

I guess on the last day, Jill decided to go horseback riding at the saddle barn. She's nosy, because she wanted to compare with the stable where she works, and see how well they care for the horses, how well they lead, etc. That is, of course, because she's competitive, even with a barn that's over an hour from where she works. She couldn't get anyone to go with her but the Outlaw Josie Wales, who now was rather torn up by road rash, but hey, at least he went.

She said she'd checked out the stable the day before, and the guy working there was a little "overly nice," and looked like "Santa Claus with a crack pipe." Huh???????
"You know, mom, a crack pipe." I'm thinking she might've meant a regular pipe, cause I'm hoping she's never seen the real deal, but I just let it go. She said that she was hoping that he wasn't going to lead their ride when they finally went out on Sunday, "but who did we get? Santa Claus with a crack pipe."

On a horse, no less. Picture that, cause it really gave me a giggle, but that could be the fact that I haven't slept more than 15 hours since Friday. Cause when the cat's away, this mouse stays up and gets stuff done, like listing patterns and reading O magazine, and taking the Heir to the Throne out to dinner, then watching The Birdcage with him -- a hilariously funny movie that somehow my film-o-phile son had never seen.

I guess there's some kind of irony of my watching a movie about drag queens and conservative Republicans, whilst the Outlaw Josie Wales is trailing Santa Claus with a crack pipe, but if you haven't figured out by now that that's how things roll around here well, you need more help than I can really offer today.

But in case the Santa Claus with a Crack Pipe interests you, then just try finding it on the internet. Closest thing I could find is this digital download of Santa Claus sucking some Coke. It's from Heirloom Stitchery, on Main Street Mall Online.