Well, I'm back at it again -- I'm once again a Vintage Terrorist. Most jobs come with a job description, but not this one. I've kind of had to make it up as I go along.
Some of you may remember my first days as a Vintage Terrorist, when the dd and I got thrown out of the library, with our model and her agent. (If you missed it, it's in the archived posts.) Well, this time I managed to start mayhem without even leaving the house. I'm getting GOOD!
I came across some nice Miss Elaine peignoirs last week. Gorgeous stuff, that Miss Elaine lingerie. But I had four different ones, with four different labels. I've got a small collection of ME (LOL -- that looks funny), and I've always wondered about how to date it. Thanks to my dear friend Michelle, from Dollhouse Vintage, there is a nice Vanity Fair label history on myspace. It's a gorgeous page, as is all of Michelle's work, so please be sure to check it out.
Well, me being me, I decided that it'd be nice to do my part for lingerie history. My second grade report card did, after all, say that I am a curious girl. Mind you, doing my part for lingerie history would NOT involve me wearing it -- actually, me wearing it could be the end of the world as we know it -- and no one would feel fine. What does one do, when one wants to find out about the company? One emails the company.
That's exactly what I did, and after a couple of emails back and forth, I was told that I would NOT be allowed to have that information "because we don't know what you're going to do with it?" WHAT? I guess now I'm Osama bin Lingerie.
And so, in thinking really hard about it for the past few days, I've
come up with the top ten evil things I could or could not have done with Miss Elaine's history, had I actually been given ONE IOTA of information from the lingerie Nazi.
1. I couldn't have passed it on to al Quaeda, cause everyone knows that they wear Formfit Rogers Pucci, and that's why those guys are so difficult to find.
2. I couldn't have used it to get my husband to wear ME, cause the last time he wore my lingerie was at my bridal shower (another story for another day).
3. I could've passed it along to Vince aka Emanuelle (see my Raspberry Beret post, in the archive), however, I have witnessed the fact that Vince is more of a Jockey bikini guy. In red.
4. Guess I could've passed it along to the guy who emailed me when I had my rhumba panty/bra set up a couple of weeks ago, telling me that his "clients" like to see him in frilly girly stuff, and did I think they'd like it? Needless to say, I didn't respond to that one. Even I have my limits.
5. Maybe they didn't want me to have it, cause it has something to do with the numbers on LOST. Hey wait -- maybe the monster is really Miss Elaine! It is, after all, always blowing smoke. Gonna have to ponder that for a while.
6. Maybe I would actually discover the Miss Elaine's label that says "may contain nuts." The one that they NEVER intended to come out of the closet. The one that could lead to the real identity of Miss Elaine: Mr Alejandro.
7. Maybe I would actually find out that the Roswell UFO incident involved aliens who were, indeed, clad in beautifully embroidered peignoirs with the embroidered ME label. Or was it the gold one? Maybe each one has its own extraterrestial meaning -- meaning I should be phoning home soon.
8. With enough research, I'm sure that I would find photos of Curt Cobain wearing ME onstage. Or Courtney Love. I'm actually sure that is a FACT that I could prove, with a bit 'o research.
9. And perhaps, most of all, they are afraid that I will find out the real answer to the great mystery of life: If a man is standing in the forest speaking and there is not a woman there to hear him, is he still wrong? Answer: not if both of them are wearing Miss Elaine. But that's not possible, because when the man emailed the company, asking if they had his size, he was told that they couldn't give that information, because they didn't know what he would do with it.
Rendering the man, and my theory, wrong.
So, ME angered me, and I chose against featuring one of their lovelies, because pretty is as pretty does -- and ME wasn't pretty to me. So, I am featuring a Triumph International swimsuit from my own collection (yes, it's for sale, just email me), because Triumph International makes some darn lovely lingerie of their own, without, once again, turning me into a Vintage Terrorist. I do that well enough on my own.