Turkey and mayo on the rocks

My friend Jen, of
momspatterns.com has finally given up the ghost and decided to part with her to die for Givenchy Audrey Hepburn dress pattern. I just love this pattern, but understand her sadness, because I have a few in my store that I'm pretty attached to, but Audrey? I'd be buried with that one, personally.

I just love Audrey Hepburn. She was gorgeous, refined, and heck, she was Dutch. Dutch people have cool accents, and Audrey had a wonderful lilt that was just her. And besides her sad war-torn life, and her beautiful heart, she was just so graceful and unique. Yeah, I love her.

I read her bio a few years ago, and was mystified at the humility with which she looked upon herself. She thought she was too skinny, and she hated her teeth, so many of her photos show her with her lips closed. Teeth or not, I could look at photos of her all day.

So when I got thinking about people with teeth fixations, it reminded me of when we got our braces. We, meaning the hubby and me, because we got them, sitting in side by side dental chairs, when we'd been married for six months. I hadn't particularly planned on it at the time, but when I saw the oral surgeon about my impacted wisdom teeth, he mentioned that if I had ever thought of braces, now was the time, because I'd have to have a couple of other teeth pulled too, in order to make room.

Yes, folks, my mouth was too small. I have dcumentation of it, too.

And so it was that we got our braces as newlyweds, and I got them off four years later, as a mother of two. The same orthodontist did braces on those two babies, years later, and when they were explaining the cash discount, the sibling discounts, etc. I, of course, inquired as to the gestational discount, since the guy had mentioned that although he'd taken care of lots of parents and children, he'd never taken care of a pregnant woman, and then later, the bun who was once in the oven. I figured that'd be worth something, but no go. ::sigh::

Hubby, on the other hand, only had his braces for about a year, but it was a LONG year, folks. Heck, the day we had the braces put on, we went home and had pizza. They told us that our teeth would be sore the next day, but I had no idea what was up -- especially in this time before over the counter ibuprofen. Yes, folks, it hurt, but I figured it was pain that was for a reason, and just sucked it up and took my Tylenol.

Hubby, on the other had, had a different sucking up in mind, because he could not bear the idea of "soft foods." The man has a food fixation, remember? He goes into a bit of a minor tailspin at the idea of not eating, or eating inflicting pain upon him, so he concocted his own menu to get him over the rough spots. And so it was that the day after our braces were applied, that I came home to him putting his turkey sandwich into the blender.

Turkey, bread, lettuce, tomato, mayo -- mixed with some milk and ice -- put on purree, then dumped into a glass. That had to be one of the more disgusting things I ever saw, but he slugged a few gulps of it down and pronounced it delicious. Took another couple of slugs, and the pace slowed, then stopped, when he turned a little pale and said "this is really gross" and tossed the remainder down the sink.

Hunger breeds desperation, but if the man is this bad with just some sore teeth, I'd sure hate to see him in a refugee camp.

I didn't buy a blender for years after that, and Dan still doesn't use it, thank God. Come to think of it, maybe this explains his penchant for taking ham and cheese sandwiches for lunch now. At least he's never drunk one.