Monday, October 16, 2006

My Jaws of Life rule

I do have a few rules to live by. I'm pretty laid back, most days, but some of my rules are: no camping in the rain with my hubby, the true test of a marriage is putting up wallpaper together, and the Jaws of Life rule.

Many people are probably unaware of the JOL rule, because they are lingerie challenged. Word is, most girls nowadays don't know what a slip is. Let me tell you, I hated wearing slips when I was a kid. Truly hated it. I loved feeling the silky touch of my mom's slip, but didn't like mine at all. They tended to ride up on my rubenesque frame, and I always go zapped with static when I wore them. Guess I just wasn't a lingerie girl.

I did love the 7 days of the week underwear that I generally found under the tree every Christmas, but was confused. Is it really ok to wear Tuesday on Friday? Would lightening come down and strike me if I did? To me, it kind of was the equivalent of the "make sure your underwear doesn't have holes in it" argument that most moms would give their children, back in the day. "Just in case you get into an accident," they say. Riiiiiight.

Hubby used to have an interesting theory about lingerie. He didn't know what a pap smear involved, when we first met. (He wasn't a nurse yet.) He asked me one day, after I mentioned that I had my appointment the next day, what a pap smear involved. I told him, well basically, they put you up in stirrups, ram a long metal spear up to your tonsils, rummage around down there for a while, then tell you you're fine. "Oh, he says." Couple of days later, he comes up to me, out of the blue, and asks, "what are you wearing when this pap smear thing takes place?" Says I, "a little paper dress that goes down to my belly button, if I'm lucky."

Thought he was gonna pass out. When he got his head out from between his legs, I asked what the heck he thought I would wear. "I don't know," he said, "I thought maybe some special underwear." Well honey, sure, that's where crotchless undies came from.

Yeah right. So, let me share my Jaws of Life rule with you. It's one rule that nurses, paramedics, and other medical staff live by.

When the Jaws of Life are out, no one cares what color your underwear is. Doesn't even matter if you even have them on, as a matter of fact. Perhaps the staff might vaguely notice if you are wearing bikinis, if you're Eddie Murphy, or Marv Albert. Heck, they might even noticed if my hubby wore his Viagra/Mark Martin Viagra boxers -- given to him by a drug rep several years ago.

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