Saturday, September 09, 2006

Hey, check it out, I got the clap

I work as a nurse, taking calls from people with medical questions. I have realized, after all these years of doing this, that people will not hesitate to tell you anything when you're on the phone.

Every once in a while, I'll get a caller who prefaces the call with "well, I have the weirdest question you'll get all night." I look forward to those, but inevitably, they usually end up being something inane. The ones that are the most fun are the ones who don't realize they are funny.

I picked up my phone one day, greeted my caller with my heartfelt (aka canned) response, which was met with "hey, check it out, I got the clap." Mind you, no "hey, how ya doin'," no "good afternoon," not even "I have a question," just "hey, check it out, I got the clap." Turns out said gentleman happened to be a member of the armed services, had found some tainted love, and he was afraid he would get court marshalled if they found out.

Like he's the first Navy guy to get the clap. Yeah, right.

As he said "I was on a ship for six months. After six months at sea, I got leave and went to this party. The chick was pretty ugly, but man, after six months at sea, you'll have sex with anything." Kinda had to agree with that one. Anyhow, she apparently gave him the gift that keeps on giving, and he was afraid to get treated, lest the CO find out. I told him to go get his pills, take 'em till their gone, and he'd be fine, and that I doubted they'd throw him in the brig for that one. Much relieved, he toddled off to the clinic for his script -- and hopefully the condoms I suggested.

Moral of the story: if you're gonna have sex with anything, cover that puppy up.

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