Sunday, February 25, 2007

Daddy got his gun

Nurses deal with all types, and if you're a good nurse, you just kind of roll with it. Of course, the real loonies always bonded with me, so I've definitely had to learn to roll with it. But it's all good, cause it takes all kinds to make a world, and the loons keep it interesting.

If you've ever been in the hospital, you know that, upon admission, you will asked eleventy-thousand questions: height, weight (everybody lies), medical history, etc. I can't stress how important this information is. I also can't express how the nurse never, ever knows how people are going to answer the questions.

I had a patient once who was being admitted to ICU. He was beaten up, but very coherent. Actually, beaten up would be the wrong verbage. He actually HAD beaten up a vintage 60s VW Bug. Yep -- the man totalled a car with his bare hands. Turns out he was a Vietnam vet and thought that the VW was the Viet Kong. The car was ok the first time it went by him, but the second time, he leapt out in front of it--getting hit in the process--and proceeded to beat the crap outta this poor defenseless little car. I can't even imagine with the driver must've been thinking, sitting there whilst a bloody man beating the crap outta his car, but 911 was called and he landed in ICU with multiple trauma. Heck, I'm not even sure which one hurt him more, getting hit BY the car, or hitting the car himself.

So here I am, doing his admission, and asking his questions. This guy was a good ole boy with a hillbilly accent to prove it. So I ask him "have you ever been in the hospital before?" His response: "only when my daddy shot me."

"He shot you?" "Yep," he says. "I was havin' one of them there flashbacks, and I guess I was kinda outta control. Daddy had to call the police, and they was tryin' to handcuff me. Well, I guess I was resisting arrest, and my daddy said 'son, you better calm down for them there police. Well, I kept a-fightin' them, so my daddy went and got his gun and shot me in the leg."

"Calmed me right down."

Guess that'd calm ME down too. So now this guy can go to his earthly reward knowing that his only two hospital stays were when his daddy shot him, and when he totalled a defenseless little car with his bare hands. Wonder what St. Peter will say about that one.

And so, in honor of my flashbacking hillbilly friend, here's the cutest pair of vintage repro 40s Hillbilly overalls, perfect for my friend's girlfriend Ellie May, coming to you from buddhaboogie on ebay. Just don't wear 'em when you're drivin' your Bug, or you might get more than you asked for.

No comments: