Tuesday, June 24, 2008


So, we were on our way to Tennessee in a rented van, with the two youngest kids, both of whom are teenagers. That means that there is always some enlightening conversation.

Now, before you read further, realize that I live with a very dingy blonde kid. He's been like this since birth, and we love him for it, of course. It's one of his endearing qualities, and everyone's been aware of it, at least since he pronounced, quite loudly, during the children's sermon at church, that "we have food in our house." Never one to quit when he was ahead, he also shouted "I threw up on Daddy." When the sermonizer said "I'll bet your mom took good care of you when you were sick," he proudly announced "no, she was on a cruise."

Granted, it wasn't a lie, but still.........

So there we sit in a restaurant in Lexington, and Dan decides to take advantage of a teachable moment, and asks if Seth knows what state we are in. "Yes. Nashville," says my baby.

Ummmm.... wrong. And wrong. Dan just shook his head.

Later that day, we were playing word games in the car. Seth loves puzzles. We were playing things like "give me a three letter word for a mode of transportation." When it was Seth's turn, he said, "give me a five letter word for a color." Dan said "green," to which Seth replied in the negative. I said "purple," and was, of course, right. Dan promptly went into protest mode, saying purple didn't have five letters, but I told him he didn't speak Seth-anese. Seth is an excellent speller, and a whiz at math -- he's just dingy. Did this several times, and I was right every time, so Dan started using my strategy. He never did pick it right, when Seth-anese showed up, because it's erratic, and probably only predictable to the mother.

On the way home, Dan was reading the newest issue of People. I had bought it so that he could read about Tim Russert (RIP), but somehow he got reading the article about the sexiest bachelors. Actually, he wasn't reading, he was just making fun of all of them, whilst Seth peered over his shoulder. Seth said "Lance Armstrong. I know about him. He walked on the moon."

His sister just rolled her eyes, his dad choked on his drink, and I tried my best to explain to the spare to the throne that that was NEIL Armstrong. ::sigh::

Somehow, the conversation drifted to Billy Bob Thornton, which means that Dan went into his best (aka annoying) Sling Blade imitation. Having a discussion about the merits of Billy Bob, especially in "Bandits", led to my kid saying "OOOOH! I know who he is. He was on Dancing with the Stars."

What planet does this kid live on? I know he wasn't born in a barn -- I was there -- but what in the world?

Turned out he was confusing Billy Bob Thornton with Billy RAY Cyrus, who WAS on Dancing with the Stars (though what he did could only very loosely be called dancing). But Anglelina Jolie never walked around with a vial of Billy Ray Cyrus blood around her neck, that's for sure.

You just have to love this kid though, because he may be clueless, but he's always very sincere. Everything he says comes from the heart, including the time on a cruise when, in the middle of the night, he suddenly shouted "I don't know what it is, but it's REAL ketchup-y!" Darn near gave his brother a heart attack, right there in the middle of the Caribbean. Of course, then he sat and laughed, but Seth was none the wiser, because he was sound asleep.

You can have whole conversations with him when he's asleep. He'll respond with totally nonsensical things, eyes open, and it's just hilarious. He fell asleep on a plane, on the way home from the aforementioned cruise. Suddenly, he sat straight up, looked me in the eye with a mournful look and announced, "I fold. AGAIN."

Can you tell the kids had played a lot of poker on that cruise? Who says homeschooled kids live in a box?

And so, for the spare to the throne, the poster child for all persons blonde, here's a cute vintage baseball uniform pattern, from my store. In honor of his illustrious baseball career at Irvington Sports Association, his papa's alma mater. It's almost as cute as Seth.

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