Sunday, June 22, 2008

The Wrong Witch, or, Lord, Take Me Now, Part II

Now, I never mentioned, for those of you who wonder why in the world we only drove three hours from home before getting a hotel: We couldn't get our cabin in the Smokies till Tuesday, but since we both took Monday off, we decided to leave a day early, and have a "leisurely" drive down to Tennessee. So, two hours into vacation, and it's just a big ole dose of Utter Chaos, which means we are having a grand old time. SEVERAL grand, I might add. But at least we are now in a van that has air conditioning, which means that that everyone can chill out till we get to Lexington.

Well, at least OUR version of chilling out, which means that hubby is doing the math to figure out just how many gallons of paint equal an engine, I am trying to figure out how to read the directions to the hotel that Thomas texted me after the originals flew out the window, and the kids are just wondering just what in the world is gonna happen next.

Thomas' directions had to go into two texts because they were so long, and they were kind of odd to read in text form, but I knew that the last part said "text me and let me know that you got this." I didn't realize that that stupid ABC word predictor thing was activated on my phone, so he got a very odd message back, that said something like "ohiiii if goblin," instead of the "OK, I got it" that I intended. Of course, Jill rolls her eyes and says that I'm not allowed to text, because "when adults text, it just means that they are trying to act young," so I figured that even if he couldn't read it, Thomas would know that I wasn't on crack, but that I did, indeed, get his messages.

I finally deciphered the directions, and we got off the interstate. Turned left like they said, and ended up in Egypt somewhere, so I told the hubby to go back, because maybe we just needed to turn right, not left, despite the directions. Ended up having to stop and ask directions at a gas station(I was driving. Don't worry, the hubby didn't have to break the male code regarding directions), because we couldn't find New Circle Road for love nor money. Got directions (yep, we just hadn't gone far enough), and finally found the Hilton at Lexington Green, which was originally supposed to be a nice surprise for the little family, but now had become a refuge. The hotel, which was rated pretty well in the online reviews, and was by a nice mall. I had figured, a little swimming, a little breakfast the next morning, maybe a little shopping, or something horse-y, cause we were in Lexington, and then we'd take off for Tennessee again. Wrong.

The kids were kind of impressed that we were staying at the Hilton. We got in the room with the kids loudly exclaiming "isn't the Hilton for rich people" to the point of embarrassment. I had booked a two room suite, thinking they'd love it, but The Brat laid claim to one of the beds, and then it all broke open. Mind you, when she's at home, she doesn't think a thing about crashing on her brother's bed if she's tired, but there was NO WAY she was sharing a bed in the Hilton, and he didn't want to sleep on the couch -- mainly cause he's a fairly sensible kid, and didn't see the sense of sleeping on a couch, when there was a perfectly usable bed in the bedroom. I pointed out that the couch opened up to a sleeper sofa, but neither of them were biting (though I was a little worried that she might actually bite HIM). After the day we'd had, I just figured I'd let them duke it out, so I just climbed into my bed and pulled the covers over my head. Dan said he was taking them all down to swim. I didn't plan to go, cause I was a bit over the whole vacation thing by now, so I just hung out in the room. Did some yoga and just chilled out.

For about fifteen minutes, till they all came tramping in, informing me that, even though it was still light outside at 9:30, the pool closed at 9, so they couldn't swim. New session of griping opened up, and I climbed back into bed, whilst they decided to watch some DVDs in the other room, on Dan's new laptop, cause the pay per view movies from the hotel were 10 bucks each. Translated: husband bitching about being nickelled and dimed by the man, when he was already having to pay thousands of dollars for a new engine on the van. We've now gone into the third circle of vacation hell.

I fell asleep and woke up with Dan climbing into the bed opposite me. I hissed at him to get over with me, or he would pay the price of the daughter's wrath, since she had claimed that bed -- and to come over there and find him in HER bed wasn't end well, to say the least -- especially late at night, in the dark, when I was trying to sleep. He said he wasn't gonna be able to sleep in the little full size bed with me, but finally realized that his life might be in danger, gave up the ghost and came over to the bed I was in.

I woke up the next morning to Seth in the next bed, Jill on the couch (without it pulled out), with just a little blanket over her. Dan decided it was best to wake her up for breakfast. It was about 8 or so, and was also, in case you haven't yet realized, the second day in a row that he has decided to wake up the girl before her time..

It was at this point that I decided that our darling daughter, cast in her first stage role next month as Glenda in the Wizard of Oz, had been cast as the wrong witch.

In the midst of her rantings, I got dressed, told Jill to get in our bed and go back to sleep, and the three of us survivors headed for the restaurant, with Dan asking "why in the world would she not want to get up to eat" and Seth and me repeating the mantra "never wake Jill up. Ever." This was our entire conversation, all the way down to the restaurant, where we were served excellent food by a rather effeminate, very polite, transplanted Hoosier, sans accent, and his Bulgarian sidekick, Anna. All in all, it was decidedly NOT like being in Lexington, but the food was great, and Dan and Seth finally got their swim in, whilst I checked email at the business center, trying to avoid waking the sleeping dragon in Room 416.

When it couldn't be avoided anymore, I headed up, and find that Jill was half awake, but in a much better frame of mind. Of course, it was now almost 11:30, so I could understand. All in all, it was obvious that the day would go better, so there was still hope. Maybe we'd all survive the vacation, thought it still felt a lot like Chevy Chase was gonna show up at any minute, with Aunt Edna strapped to the roof of the station wagon.

You know, I still gotta sell some patterns to pay for the whole thing, so if you are in a mood to sew, try this hooded goth cape pattern, from my store. Maybe not the thing for Glenda, but it is good for when the Big Bad Wolf arrives.

1 comment:

Vintage Sue said...

I am sooooo perversely enjoying your vacation from hell, if only because every roadtrip I take is the same way!

I'm still hoping for a happy ending to your story, though....