Monday, June 02, 2008

The Walking Wounded

So the hubby had a little surgery today. Little is the key word here, cause he was in and out in about twenty minutes, and wasn't even put to sleep. It was a LITTLE surgery.

But it was a BIG deal.

You'd think the guy got a limb removed. Oye. His first surgery was after his little brother shot him, in a fit of anger, with a BB gun. Hubby ended up in surgery, but HE was the one who got grounded. He still takes issue with that, some thirty years later.

Second surgery, was a manly thing. (wink wink). Had the whole thing done under a local, after which he walked out, noticeably pale, and told me that he had smelled his flesh burning. And that they'd removed about two inches of tissue from him. Let me just say -- that urologist is my hero.

But today, he had to have a little basal cell cancer removed from near his eye. This is the second one he has had, but this one had to be removed in surgery, because of the proximity to the eye. He actually had a plastic surgeon do it, so now he can say he's had a little "work" done. I suggested a nip and tuck here and there whilst he was in surgery, but he declined.

Instead, he spent the past two days driving me nuts about going under the knife. Freaking out that he'll have a scar, which, of course, will ruin his chances in Hollywood. Ummm....Harrison Ford? Joaquin Phoenix? Oye. I'd tell him what I tell the boys, which is "chicks dig scars," but after almost 21 years of marriage, that's the last thing he needs to hear.

Dude came out of surgery with TWO external stitches, and he's still complaining that he'll scar. I told him nope, cause they put the incision right in his crow's feet, which he didn't appreciate, and besides, he still won't believe me. Gazed upon his stitches at least half a dozen times before we got to the interstate. Vain, anyone?

So, what does one do after one's face is cut upon? Well, the last time he was actually UNDER anesthesia, it was for a colonoscopy, and he followed that up with doing a paint estimate -- something the wife warned against, more than once. He refused to listen, and when he went back to actually paint the house a month later, he remembered nothing about even being there, and realized that those people had gotten a great, post-anesthesia deal on paint.

So today, he didn't have to be warned against all that "don't sign legal documents, don't do anything that requires a thought process" stuff, since he wasn't put to sleep, so we went out and bought a car.

The guy is never having surgery again. God knows what would happen post-op. I'd probably end up with an RV, or my own professional sports team, from Denver, of course.

Granted, we needed a car that gets some modicum of gas mileage, for all those trips back and forth to Vincennes, to pick up the boy from school. My van has over 100,000 miles on it now, and has no air conditioning, so I'm a little reticent to continue to put all those miles on it. The Town Car is beautiful, has a/c, but gets terrible gas mileage, so it's out of the question. Plus, it's 17 years old, so I'm always afraid a belt will break, or worse, on those trips. The paint van is always in use by the guy with the scar, so we went out and bought a little Toyota Yaris, in a pretty shade of blue. It's not big, but it gets good mileage. No power anything -- not even a remote for the doors -- but it's got gas mileage, and, because it's a 5 speed, the kids can't drive it yet, till someone teaches them how to use it. That means I am in the driver's seat, cause they can't fight over whose turn it is to take it. Oh yeah, I thought it out.

And so, for those of you who like to pamper yourself post-operatively, but have enough sense to not go car shopping, you can still get your fix with this cute novelty print car dress, from Ms. Firecracker's Vogue Collection. No keys required.

1 comment:

Sally said...

Laughing - aren't men just big babies sometimes? My husband gets a cold and it is the end of the world.