The plural of marriage = who's on first?

I don't get all this talk about polygamy. Who in the world would want more than one spouse? I mean really. You'd never have a moment's peace. You would always be doing laundry. You'd always be giving a backrub. You'd never find the remote, cause he'd probably wander to the next house with it. Really. Think about it.

With one spouse, you can figure out their quirks and take advantage of them. My husband has funny feet with talons of toenails. I know that when we lie down in bed at night, I must avoid those feet at all costs, or I could end up with stitches. My husband likes tabasco sauce or sour cream on just about everything. If he had eight wives, would he take the sour cream with him when he went to the other wives' house, or would it just go bad before he got back? And would all the wives know that when he starts turning the TV up too loudly that it's time to irrigate his ears? If I was one of eight wives, would he know that when I put the peanut butter in the refrigerator, it means I'm pregnant? Would he know that the best remedy for a bad day is to go and get my hair cut? Heck, would he even remember everyone's names? My guy never remembers names. He gets the faces and I supply the names.

Mom's night out, in the case of a polygamist, could spell disaster, as dozens of children are left in the care of one man. Who would survive? I say it's a tossup. I couldn't leave my hubby with two kids without coming home and finding one giggling whilst the other was climbing out of the dryer, whilst hubby was asleep in the recliner, with mascara all over his face. Oh, but he "wasn't asleep." Riiiiiight. Survival of the fittest doesn't even begin to describe what would happen if the girls went out for dinner, leaving Daddy with 40-some children.

And hey, if you're gonna be a sister-wife, then don't you want to dress up pretty so maybe you don't get lost in the crowd? Why is it that all of the polygamists' wives always dress so fugly? Is there a fugly law in plural marriage? OK, so you want to dress in long dresses, that's fine. But at least get something nice, like this vintage calico Gunne Sax dress, from kcfairy, on ebay. She's got a whole bevy of polygamy-wear. So for heaven's sake, stay single (great choice), stay with one guy (not bad, in the right circumstances), or dress pretty (always a good choice, especially if it's vintage).