My own private stalker

Walker Research is big, here in Indianapolis. They're always looking for people to do studies, for one reason or another. Some years back, we submitted our name as possible candidates, so they call us from time to time, to see if we fit their criteria.

The only time I ever did one is when they put me in a room with a bunch of soccer moms, in a study about different holiday themed zip lock bags. Yeah, me. The one who works most holidays and who, for the first ten years of our marriage, went out for Chinese for Christmas dinner. I was looking at zip lock bags with bunnies and Christmas trees. Those soccer moms made me ill.

So they called the other night, looking for the hub. He'd already left for the hardware store, so she decided to ask me the questions. Turned out that I qualified for the study, which deals with human behavior. They are going to come and watch what I do throughout the course of a 14 hour day. Two different days. They're gonna pay me -- good money -- to follow me around and actually document Utter Chaos.

Boy oh boy, are they gonna be surprised.

Hubby would be much more interesting to watch, but if they want "normal" human behavior, I suppose they'd be better off watching me. Of course, they are coming on Thursday, so they're gonna get a big old dose of me, listing sewing patterns, and the season finale of Lost. They'll probably do a lot of writing down about how this nutty chick spends her days with patterns that she never intends to sew, then watches a show that has no answers. Then watches it again, in slow motion.

I hope they bring their own car, cause all those thousands of sewing patterns are still in my van. Only two people can fit in my van at any given time, till I get some listed.

I'll have to think of something freaky to do, while my stalker is here. Not sure what it's going to be, but she'll probably fall asleep of boredom unless something perks up around here. Here's what it'll say: "scanned pattern. scanned another pattern. scanned another pattern." Like the shampoo commercial said "and so on and so on, and so on......" Then, "listed pattern. listed another pattern. listed another pattern." And so on and so on and so on. After about eight hours of listing, and CNN: "watched odd show with island people where everyone is good but maybe they are bad, but they are all hot, then someone starts shooting, and things blow up and maybe the Korean dies, but he probably is sent to another plane of existence, and the hotty stays on the island after he kisses his woman goodbye when she goes off to live with another man and the baby leaves but the mother stays behind because she might be dead but she can't be because she is the only one who can raise him......." And so on and so on and so on.

So if you have good ideas of how I can enhance the experience for this poor woman, lest she perish of boredom, let me know, cause I'm definitely not the Suzy homemaker type. I'm much more likely to be in my "nothing listed, nothing gained" ebay shirt and some beaten up shorts than in something gorgeous like this pink linen and lace girlie girl dress, from Vintage Grace. She's currently touring the continent, but you can get it when she gets back. Me? I'll be listing patterns, while my stalker takes notes.